As we turn down the home stretch of the season, we’re going to start seeing teams eliminate themselves from playoff contention. As things heat up, everything is taken up a notch. We have crowd surfing university presidents, next level face paint, and uniforms that somehow keep getting better. We also continued the streak of adding dudes to the greatest profession of all time, as Billy Napier became the latest to join the crew of former coaches being paid millions to not work. We should seriously consider starting an offshore casino/resort where we send these guys a promo code to cover their room if they visit us the week of their firing and we welcome them like the gates of Heaven. Can you imagine all the buyout money they’d blow while getting through their emotions?! It would look like Lil’ Wayne at the strip club, Kristin Cavallari at a botox bar, and any 12 year old off their ADHD meds at Disney World all rolled into one. Just gotta show them a little affirmation to stroke their bruised ego while they’re carrying around 8-figure futures to do absolutely nothing and the opportunities are endless. This is a gold mind!
Week 9 Pro Tips:
- Oklahoma State brought us tarps off last week, and it’s since infiltrated other teams having equally dismal seasons. We credited them with ingenuity and creativity; however, it’s come to our attention that they do not deserve full credit. We give you what started it all in Bloomington, IN. As far as we know, the Pokes can claim the world’s longest banana conga line, though.
- Let’s talk real quick about how the fan experience has evolved this year. Texas Tech’s AD, Kirby Hocutt, got absolutely cucked this week after trying to look like a bad ass at the start of the year only to bend the knee halfway through the season. I can’t wait until some spiteful Tech hater dresses up in Red Raider gear and shows up tossing tortillas just to get them fined – possibly the greatest troll job in all of college football and likely a future Netflix documentary. Next, we have the guillotine goalpost problem that we mentioned last week. Somehow this is safer (or at least less expensive) than letting drunk college kids who can feel no pain (at least in the moment) tear them down on their own? It looks like something that belongs in that level of Super Mario where the game gives you a total F YOU and you spend 3 hours trying to get past it. The good news is all is not lost, as Delaware Stadium has re-invented efficiency in the men’s restroom. We demand to see this in all stadiums in 2026!
- The precipice of this sport is decided by an aggregation of “educated” opinions that puts teams in order from best to worst, which makes about as much sense as putting your team in camo the week after your QB struggled to find his receivers on his way to 5 INTs. Nonetheless, this is what we as fans voluntarily choose to directly influence our emotional stability. Our million dollar question this week is why we don’t provide similar completely subjective rankings on those that have the most control on the outcomes of the games – that’s right, the referees. Can you imagine how electric a referee crew top 25 would be? News like this (which we’re still not 100% is a legit source – seriously, yellowhammernews.com? – but many mainstream media outlets are quoting them) wouldn’t be such a surprise when we know those guys dropped out of the top 25 in week 2. Of course they’re going to take 37 minutes to just screw up three different calls late in the first half! Likewise, we’d be on pins and needles to see what kind of a jump this crew makes. While we’re at it, maybe add the TV coverage, as well.
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
Kansas State @ Kansas (-3.5) 11:00AM CDT, TNT
Sure, there are 3 ranked SEC games this week with some of those potentially eliminating teams from CFP contention, but let’s zig while everyone else is zagging and have a little fun. Plus, when else do we get to pick a game of the week that’s being televised right before Walking Tall and Fast & Furious 6?
What we like about this game: KU welcomes their in-state foe to their newly renovated stadium where they claim to be the heart of Kansas football. Apparently, max capacity in their new spot is still being calculated as this is – wait, what, I mean, how – the first ever game we’ve seen that is sold out with tickets options still available.
What we love about this game: It’s going to be a sloppy, rainy 11am kickoff with K-State riding a 16 game win streak into Lawrence where they’ve outscored the Jayhawks 638-262 during that streak. We’ve got 2 dudes named Cocaine Willie and Fireball Matt, who sound more like lacrosse has-beens from Johnson County than farm-raised K-Staters, trying to convince us the streak will stay alive. With the potential for a bowl game hanging in a balance for both teams, we’ll take the team with the most ruthless band and not the one touting how they can all get along through research.
Our goal for this year is to continue growing our community, while providing intellectually insightful, err, casually entertaining content at a more consistent clip than the CFP rankings show. We greatly appreciate your support and patronage as we continue to develop this site into your one stop shop for winning the weekend!