How college football continues to one-up itself will never make sense, but, as always, we’re here for it! No college football fan could’ve missed the Vandy-NC State ending which is the closest reality we’ve seen to the start of the Chad Powers series on Hulu. Statistical impossibilities and impracticalities have no room in this sport. At this point, it feels like Chad’s fictional absurdity is imminent and where we go from there is inconceivable. The Lane Train met its match and the online response did not disappoint. Then we had…ummm…the most uncomfortable family dinner situation discussed on national TV about….wait, is this right?….QB1 of the most prominent Mormon school in the country?! This really feels like the Chad Powers version of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
Week 4 Pro Tips:
- It was a big week for guardian caps. Not only should every offensive linemen wear them to mitigate the risk of a QB’s hand coming down on their helmet during follow through of a throw, but this week we were given a legitimate reason why any defender who plays in the box should wear one. The jury is still out on whether they can prevent concussions, but we now have empirical evidence that they can prevent touchdowns! There is an epic guardian cap/condom collab – going on heads, preventing scoring, yeah, you get it – just waiting to happen, and the commercials would be must see.
- No one can explain why Florida is favored over Ole Miss this week, not even Florida’s coach, Jon Sumrall. Our eyeballs tell us watching this Florida team is like watching the new Madden movie trailer. While it looks familiar enough to remind us of the nostalgia of past dominance, the reality of what we’re seeing is so far away from believable we just want to turn it off. Side note – in today’s world of technology how in the world do they not improve Nic Cage’s Madden voice. Like, dub in Frank Caliendo or even try using AI. It’s so obviously Nic Cage doing a poor job of John Madden that it’s almost unwatchable. Anyway, Vegas clearly knows something the rest of us don’t and in those scenarios it’s always scary going against the house.
- Week 4 actually has a solid slate of ranked games; however, when evaluating how “real” these matchups are it has us thinking they more closely resemble a Bravo cast. The Big 10 hype machine would have you believe Oregon-USC is some colossal matchups of two titans, when in reality we’re talking about a team who barely survived Rutgers (remember sad fireworks?) and a team who lost to Oklahoma State the week after OSU lost to Tulsa. Nevertheless, we have #12 hosting #20 in a primetime matchup on NBC. While it should be a high flying affair with plenty of points, just remember that neither of these Pac 12 divas will be going anywhere meaningful at the end of the year.
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
#1 Texas (-4.5) at #14 Tennessee 11:00AM CST ABC
What we like about this game: Where else in the world could you find an 11am event that will attract over 100k people, have POTUS in attendance, and be treating the star of MTV’s Jackass as royalty? In the least shocking development of all time, Sark is already utilizing the Trump scenario as a built in excuse. Not a good sign for Texas fans.
What we love about this game: The battle for the real UT will finish on the field, but it’s been ongoing on the social media streets all week, and at this point Tennessee has knocked the Longhorns unconscious. The Vols discovered this picture from a Texas game and hurled themselves like a majestic lion having its way with a wounded fawn. There are seriously so many. Unfortunately for the Vols, apparently there is growing concern that the geniuses coming up with these memes will also struggle to decipher orange and white on a seat map. God bless, college football!