Alright, folks, welcome to Week 3, where we finally start to see what teams are made of, or at least who got the easiest non-conference schedule. By now, we’ve shaken off the Week 1 jitters and realized that playing an FCS team is just as embarrassing as losing to one. Let’s dig into what really matters—this week’s slate of games that will likely wreck your weekend bets faster than Shannon Sharpe ruined the reputations for Michelles around the world.
Week 3 Pro Tips:
- Be prepared to get hit up by a DirecTV refugee looking for access to ESPN. We don’t know why these people (mostly boomers who still also pay for a landline) haven’t cut the cord by now As hard as it may be, don’t waste your time questioning their decision making because all you’re going to hear about is how they can’t deal with all the apps and passwords (they’re not totally wrong about this). Just know that if your internet ever goes out, you’ll need the favor returned.
- Like a drunk guy at the bar at 2am that won’t give up, the PAC-12 keeps swinging. It will be interesting to see how television networks speak about this resurgence of crap teams trying to justify getting rid of their G5 label like a weathered prostitute thinking she’s now rich because some dude with a halfway decent pension spent the night with her. No one’s getting fooled here.
- Tons of in-state matchups this week! Don’t get duped like Coach Prime when stepping into these with your bets, especially the known rivalry games. However, since we know you won’t avoid the action, here are the picks that are probably best to fade: OSU-Tulsa (Pokes -18.5), North Texas vs Tech (u69.5), Cincy vs. Miami, OH (o46.5), Civil War (Oregon St +16.5) , Apple Cup (WSU ML), App St vs. ECU (o60.5), Utah-Utah St(Utah -18.5), FAU vs. FIU (o44.5), Colorado vs. CSU (CSU +7), Rice vs. Houston (Houston -5).
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
Alabama (-16) @ Wisconsin 11:00AM CDT FOX
What we like about this game: 2 solid coaches who have made it to programs where they could build legendary legacies if they can find success. Luke Fickel is in year two at Wisconsin and would love a statement victory to solidify the confidence in him as “the guy” and the longevity of his tenure at a P4 school. Kalen DeBoer is still fresh off the tarmac in Tuscaloosa and headed to his first true road game with his new squad. If he wins it’s just another ho-hum victory, but if there’s a slip up Alabama fans will be after him like PETA going after Tonka to get him the hell out of there. (Side note – Chimp Crazy isn’t as good as Tiger King and most of the 4th episode is a letdown, but the first three episodes are riveting television of what an Alabama fan that pivoted their passion towards chimpanzees would look like.)
What we love about this game: Similar to Texas-Michigan last week, we have another southern team traveling to visit a northern team – although this one already has the billing of being much more lopsided and comes with a pretty hilarious video. This is also the biggest non-conference game the Badgers have ever hosted at Camp Randall. The greatest thing about college football is the hype and energy leading up to a home game for an underdog. Unfortunately, Fox has robbed us again of an amazing night game environment with their Big Noon joke. Seriously, if the idea of Jump Around playing going into the 4th quarter under the lights of a tight ball game with Bama doesn’t make the hair stand on your arms then you shouldn’t be reading this. Unfortunately, Wisconsin is 0-11 as double digit dogs at home and their defense includes an infamous character named Alex Grinch coaching the DBs – yeah, we don’t know how he has a job either. Hard to see how this isn’t a route bigger than what Texas did to Michigan, but the build up will still be electric!
