As we kickoff our final week of the regular season, one would assume the waters have calmed, the playoff picture is clear, and many fans are starting to make postseason travel plans. Fortunately, this is college football, where the waters are as calm as a postgame party with a Naval Captain and the postseason is still as up in the air as your future after coming home from college for Thanksgiving and hooking up with your high school ex. We still had some madness last week as UCLA executed the worst fake field goal of all time, a chick went from near death experience to total badass on the sideline, and we got to see one of the few cool things from the weirdest cult in America. To top it off though, our gift that keeps on giving came through one more time with the most awkward senior day experience we’ve ever seen that eventually culminated in a fat pay day.
Week 14 Pro Tips:
- How does Lane Kiffin do it? We can’t recall a time when a coach has acknowledged the jobs he’s considering, especially while continuing to prepare his team for a rivalry game, and given usa date to expect a decision. Can you imagine Oxford from the time the Egg Bowl is over until the time he makes an announcement? And what will his postgame press conference look like? LeBron must be so pissed as this makes the anticipation of his decision back in the day look more like anticipating what’s going to be on the menu for Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Drink leveraged this situation (as the backup choice for whoever doesn’t get Lane) to extend his contract and up his annual salary to 8 figures – absolutely insane that this guy is over the $10 mil mark. Finally, one coaching move that snuck under the radar was UNT Coach Eric Morris going to Oklahoma State – fun fact, Eric Morris caught a TD pass during the game that fueled Gundy’s most popular moment as OSU’s head coach. What a world!
- Head-to-head vs. most deserving vs. eye test. Every single year, it’s the same song. The fact that we allow a committee led by a doofus to give us any valued opinion on what they see when they watch the games is borderline asinine. The good news is we’re not just asking Grok or ChatGPT to choose our teams, although let’s not pretend that isn’t likely a future alternative ::whispers:: that might be better than the collection of losers we have in charge today. No more soap box speeches here about things we can’t control. Oh wait, except for one. Texas not allowing Reveille on the sideline should be a crime. They’ve already got a one ton boring waste of oxygen on their sideline, so who cares about a 50 lbs dog? There’s only one answer here, the Texas Longhorns hate dogs, thus one more reason why they don’t belong in the CFP even after they pull off the upset over their in-state rival.
- One bright spot going into this week is it doesn’t feel like the Heisman race is totally wrapped up yet. Partially because the leader of the pack is the QB of a basketball school. If his red helmet had his number on both sides instead of an Indiana logo, you can take it to the bank he’d already have it in the bag. But not this year! We still have a fairly wide open race where the Big 10 championship is likely to decide the winner, but there’s an absolute stud in the golden domers’ backfield that is going to make his final statement this week against a laughable Stanford squad. We also have desperate homers making the pitch for their guys – please just stop embarrassing yourself.
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
#1 Ohio State (-9.5) @ #15 Michigan 11:00AM CST, FOX
What we like about this game: The passion and energy for this game is unrivaled when it comes to home-and-home rivalry games. You got college kids partying in the lake, phone lines dedicated to historic motivational speeches, and boycotts of one of the best restaurant chains in the country.
What we love about this game: After last year’s upset and ensuing brawl, we CANNOT wait to get these two teams on the field again. Michigan gets to play with nothing to lose at home while trying to derail their rival’s path to another Natty. tOSU is looking for some kind of statement victory since their resume compared to others is rather humiliating. Should be another classic, just make sure to stay tuned in well after the final whistle blows!
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