Welcome back Weekend Watch Guide and Trip on Sports!
Sorority rush videos are in full swing, crazy new stadium food promotions are starting to get leaked, and the most talked about controversy on the internet is the logo change and re-brand of a restaurant that you haven’t thought about since Aunt Betty’s 75th birthday brunch. It’s like banter from NextDoor has infiltrated mainstream social media or something. Basically, we’ve never needed football more!
We’re back again this year to break down each week of the football season and bring you important nuggets for the upcoming games. An objective of ours this season is to get to 1,000 Readers. We’d be incredibly grateful if you’d forward this email to your friends, co-workers, frat bros, the entire fantasy football league, enemies, and hell, even that list of random people Facebook thinks you should know – trust us, it will be a great ice breaker. If you’re new, subscribe here.
Just like moving from DirecTV to a streaming service, it’s time for us to keep up with technology. This means we’ll be ditching the .PDF watch guide and instead partnering with GameDay Live. This new app not only provides everything you need to know for gameday, but also puts you at the center of a community full of your Saturday brethren and those few unavoidable degenerates. Think of it like college football’s version of guidos living their best lives at the Jersey Shore, finance bros flocking to a Peter Millar outlet, or the suburban moms’ Stanley cup club at Saturday morning soccer.
Week 0 Pro Tips:
- Annual Week 0 PSA: This is week zero, it doesn’t even get a number of any substance, which means it’s basically free football, almost like a comp in Vegas. So if you win your bets you start the “actual” season with some extra coin in your pocket, and if you lose it’s like it never even happened. Sure, you don’t know much about these teams but neither do the books. Go big!
- When you’re struggling to stay connected to the Sam Houston-Western Kentucky game, do yourself a favor and search for Mike Katic on X. This former captain and 3rd team All-Big 10 center from Indiana is living the life while balancing his viral and possibly slightly inebriated auditions for NFL teams all live at the Barstool Beach House.
- Lots of crazy story lines going into this year. Here is the quick recap to prep you for convos with your bros during week zero.
- Auburn is continuing the tradition of just dubbing yourselves national champs, granting themselves 7 (SEVEN!) additional titles out of the blue. This is likely a ploy to distract from Hugh Freeze’s genius plan to play 2 – no, wait – 3 QBs in their first game along with 3 playcallers <insert mind blown emoji>.
- Prepare yourselves for a Marty Smith special on the newest and most popular cat in college football. Our only hope is it will generate a call back to the most epic college football presser of all time.
- Arkansas Razorbacks have come up with the dumbest idea that not only will never work but will also never apply to them. Seriously? It’s like their administration is being led by Can’t Hardly Wait’s Kenny Fisher (aka Special K).
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
#17 Kansas St. (-3) vs. #22 Iowa St. in Dublin, Ireland 11:00AM CDT
What we like about this game: A ranked conference clash that could not only have Big XII championship implications but maybe even CFP implications in Week 0?! Cue Dickey V. Love a season that comes out of the gate like unpoliced 40u football. That part is awesome, baby. However, can we talk just a minute about taking America’s heartland’s most sacred game and moving it across the pond? Not only can our soccer obsessed allies not even get the school flags correct, but these arrogant Europeans are trying to use this moment to double down and cuck our Super Bowl. Never again should a game affectionately dubbed Farmageddon be played on foreign soil.
What we love about this game: This is probably one of those gimmicks like bracelets being sold by “monks” on the Vegas Strip where ignorant, captive foreigners get totally gouged by locals, but the truth is we don’t care. TAKE OUR MONEY! And before you think it’s just a marketing ploy, we have confirmation they’re real and they’re spectacular. Just don’t pay with venmo and include any sarcastic comments that could incriminate you later on in life.
Our goal for this year is to continue growing our community, while providing intellectually insightful, err, casually entertaining content at a more consistent clip than the CFP rankings show. We greatly appreciate your support and patronage as we continue to develop this site into your one stop shop for winning the weekend!
