Relative to the hot start we had to the season, one could say Week 5 was fairly quiet. A couple minor upsets, a surprise blow out here or there, and another Holly Rowe incident. The good news is this sport never disappoints, so we still got a zero yard pick 6, the revenge of the nerds taking over hail marys, Northwestern’s unhinged new stadium, and Colorado finding even more ways to make things harder on themselves than they need to be.
Week 6 Pro Tips:
- Pregame shows are the talk of the town. Just like everything else in college football, money is doing the talking. Pat McAfee made it clear he was tired of cutting checks every week, but at least he didn’t spare us any entertainment by choosing the worst kick of all time. On the Fox side, Barstool’s Dave Portnoy met his match as Ryan Day and the tOSU cronies strong-armed a transformation on the set of Big Noon Kickoff. Peter Herbstreit better keep his head on a swivel!
- Colorado State made their first splash of the season by making their DC walk the plank in THE MIDDLE OF A GAME. Let’s hope the boosters of <insert any P4 team with 2 losses> don’t catch wind of this or we might see heads rolling faster than Paramount+ cancelling Team Moms.
- How pissed is Lane Kiffin that PJ Fleck is owning his corner? Props to him for being the next egotistical megalomaniac that somehow makes his team’s performance all about him. This dude’s narcissism is rising faster than Joey Chestnut’s propensity for flatulence after consuming…checks notes…16 pounds of baked beans in 12 minutes!
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
#1 Texas (-7.5) vs. Oklahoma 2:30PM CST ABC (Dallas)
What we like about this game: John Mateer stinks. He single-handedly lost the Michigan game and Georgia game, right? The guy looks like a total clown show and is the downfall of Oklahoma’s season, right? Any QB with worse stats than him this year must have a physical disability, right? One last question assuming you were nodding along with the last two….what if Arch’s last name was Mateer and not Manning?
What we love about this game: Rivalry games are the best, but rivalry games that split at the 50 yard line will forever be an American treasure. This week we have both teams coming off a bye, one of which is desperate to prove their #1 ranking and big name QB aren’t the same fraud they proved to be last year, while the other side is a team even more desperately just trying to not let their season spiral completely out of control by making a statement and ruining their arch rival’s season. This one has the potential for a classic that is decided by playmakers that aren’t catching the snaps and maybe not even on the offensive side of the ball!
For our OG fans, we got you fixed up with the old school paper guide!