If week 0 was Casey Cooper from Fresh Meat then week 1 was Casey Cooper from The Duel (congrats to her on “investing in herself”). We started the day with Lee Corso’s perfect send off that only further confirmed how senile the reality of college football really is. Right afterwards we get an instantly viral Ryan Day photo that could have already won photoshop (maybe?) of the year. Following that, all of our minds were blown (especially the biggest SEC fluffer in all the land) when Arch Manning appeared to be more of a descendant of the Uncle Rico Passing Academy rather than the one that bears his family name. Like season 1 of Jersey Shore, it was chaotic, bizarre and absolutely perfect. In the paraphrased words of Lloyd Christmas, our mascot’s heads are falling off!!
Week 2 Pro Tips:
- Tough week for the Big 12. Their biggest victory of the week was over a UCLA team that went 5-7 last year, but if we’re being honest that sounds about right. The bigger question is how in the world do you let this happen on one of your sidelines? I’ve seen more rhythm in Hulu’s latest documentary, Mormons on Molly – sure, we totally made that up, but if you caught this clip you know it would be absolute fire. It gets even better though. As if OSU couldn’t continue to be more of a dumpster fire with their mediocre coach continuing to strangle them by the balls while doubling down on the show being all about him, their QB woes have also flared up again like a baby oil allergy after a Diddy party. Seriously though, can you name the last OSU QB to start every game in a season? No wonder the conference threw this hail mary this week – which, actually, could be pretty legit.
- You probably thought we forgot about the meltdown happening at Alabama. Nope, it’s just our “stay woke” moment of the week. While everyone else is zigging on Kalen DeBoer as a complete buffoon, we’re zagging and calling him the biggest genius in college football. It’s really simple – what is the greatest profession of all time? There’s only one answer and it’s not even close, a fired SEC football coach. I mean, let’s be honest, Helen Keller could coach that roster to better than 5-5 over their last 10. He had to realize he hit the pinnacle of his college football future and decided this is the best exit strategy. Now, unfortunately for him, he’s going to have to ride it out a little longer than Jimbo Fisher thanks to Bama brethren being poorer than a trans Chili’s waitress in Tuscaloosa, but you can bet your ass there are dying Bama fans re-writing their wills to get his ass out of town. That pay day is coming!
- If we’re going to harp on college coaches, we can’t ignore ol’ Bill Belichick. First of all, hats off on pulling Jordon. Sure, she seems absolutely bat shit crazy, but we’re talking about a guy that coached Chad Ochocinco, Antonio Brown, and Aaron Hernandez. It did take a turn, however, when she decided she needed to talk to him on the sideline. There’s only one way this could’ve played out. Her nosey ass definitely had a headset in the box and while listening along in between glasses of rosé, she heard words she didn’t understand that led her to believe Bill was getting a ‘max johnson’ from another 24 year old. She gets down to that sideline faster than her boyfriend picking up his next ED prescription, only to realize it was just his super senior QB coming into the game and sparking some life into the offense.
TOS GAME OF THE WEEK
#12 Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State 6:30PM CDT, ESPN2
What we like about this game: There’s no doubt that this game is a pivot point for Jeff Lebby. He’s not equipped with the talent to compete week in and week out with the SEC, but if he can find a way to secure a victory as a touchdown underdog at home against the reigning BIG 12 champ it could buy him some more time and possibly be the swing game in making it to a bowl game. Kenny Dillingham is trying to prove that his success last year was more than just Cam Skattebo, and, if he plays his cards right, could soon be on the illustrious career path of a future fired SEC coach. Not sure this prep is going to quite do it justice, but it appears to at least be on his mind.
What we love about this game: Speaking of Kenny, this guy put on a masterclass in manipulating the media this week. He started off with this hilarious dig at Starkville, MS. This rage baited every Bulldog fan to the point that Mississippi State super fan (which is basically the same thing as your little brother that was the bat boy for your 10U rec league baseball team) Brandon Walker took the opportunity on Barstool’s newly minted Fox show to call him out and get absolutely bodied. Kenny – 2, MSU – 0.Our goal for this year is to continue growing our community, while providing intellectually insightful, err, casually entertaining content at a more consistent clip than the CFP rankings show. We greatly appreciate your support and patronage as we continue to develop this site into your one stop shop for winning the weekend!